"Bringing up my rear" meant exploring the feelings underneath my reluctance. As I started doing that I found myself diverted completely, and somehow began to think about how most everything I know comes not from direct experience, but from someone else in whom I've placed my trust. We have very little direct experience with physical laws, for example, if you think about it. We believe our cars will always be able to go at 60 mph without exploding not because of our direct experience, but because we have faith in the discipline of engineering and in its practitioners.
From that line of thinking I was led to the realization that there is some benevolent soul responsible for starting me out in virtually all of the areas in which I'm competent. This applies equally to delivering seminars and to holding a spoon. Somebody who loved me expressed that love by teaching me something. Sure I've taken it from there, but there was always a loving gift or exchange at the beginning.
And guess what! That recognition drew me to the place where my reluctance was coming from... I was reluctant to commit to my objective because I wasn't sure I would be able to meet the objective in a way that continued this thread of loving contribution that I've been a part of. That doubt was sapping my commitment. I was surprised at what it was, and relieved that I had found it.
So now I'm making the list of ways I can meet my objective that will insure that the thread of loving generosity is continued. And that list will serve as both my criteria for choosing opportunities and my inspiration for fulfilling them.
Other than my butt hangin' out, it's not obvious to me how this story fits into my view of the creative process, although I can see the creativity in it. If you have an opinion about that, I would love to hear about it.